Boundaries, limitations, and the power of supportive accountability
When I was a very new professional, back before fire or the Internet was invented and chai latte wasn’t yet in fashion, I had a student come to me for some help planning a conversation she hoped to have with her supervisor, who was my peer. She hoped that I could help her frame up the conversation. My role was to listen, ask questions and be present while she worked out how she wanted to proceed. Her dilemma was one that I hear from clients still today, both as employees and as supervisors.
This student, Holly*, was frustrated because she knew she wasn’t meeting the mark on a particular project that she was working on, but she didn’t know how to ascertain what his expectations actually were. She knew that he didn’t want to stifle her creativity by being overly directive, but she was finding his instructions and suggestions too vague. In talking to me, her hope was to formulate how to ask questions that would gain some specificity without, as she put it, “making him think I want him to be my dad about everything.” She also wanted to find ways to check-in with him to be sure she was on track. She expressed frustration that she couldn’t “pin him down” and that she found his feedback “squishy.” At one point she said: “People like boundaries! Boundaries help you know where you are and where you can go!” (I can see her saying this like it was yesterday.)
Boundaries
The idea of “boundaries” comes up frequently in relationship vernacular or in workplace burnout conversations – and often the term is framed as a set of behaviors that will/will not be invited or even tolerated. But this was a couple of decades ago, and the word hadn’t yet evolved in that way – Holly was talking about something a bit different. She was asking instead for parameters or for a scope of her work perspective. She wanted to have creativity for her project, but she also wanted a sense of the scope of her boss’s imagined final project.
She was also asking for accountability – that’s what she meant by check-ins to be sure she was on track. Her boss’s style was to give his students a wide open “blue-sky” opportunity and see what they did. But in Holly’s case, when she wasn’t meeting his expectations, they had a very hard time finding common language to describe what he was hoping would be the project outcome. Both were interested in encouraging creative freedom, but they had different impressions of success – and struggled to find the tools to connect and understand one another. It was frustrating for them both.
Supportive Accountability
I see this from both sides of the equation in clients. Leader-bosses sometimes resist the word “accountability” because it feels overly directive, parental or even punitive. But accountability markers aren’t always hard-nosed instructions – in fact, I like to encourage “supportive accountability.” Supportive Accountability is found in conversational check-ins, in policies that provide guidance, in timely updates during 1:1’s and in formal feedback in writing or dialogue. When Holly said that boundaries “help you know where you are and where you can go,” that’s what she meant. Supportive Accountability behaviors are deliberate indicators that staffers are on the right track or that they have discovered a new approach that is effective.
Supportive accountability is specific and timely. It provides folks an update in actionable terms. For example, consider a response such as this one to a staffer: “Thank you for emailing me the expected completion date and the update on which parts of the project are on track and which are lagging. I appreciate you telling me who needs a gentle reminder to keep things moving along.” If you are the leader-boss, you can always ask your staffer if they are getting what they need from you regarding your expectations and limitations of their work. (Holly would have appreciated her boss opening the door to the conversation.)
Intrusive Accountability
Strict limitations and intrusive accountability, by contrast, can stifle creativity or even cause a staffer to feel they aren’t trusted or respected. Sometimes I hear leader-bosses struggle with finding a balance on this score. They may have a difficult time imagining what success would look like for them and so describing it without being directive is a challenge. If you have a hard time with supportive accountability, consider taking a few minutes to flesh out for yourself what you are expecting – what are the 3-5 things about the project that must be true in order for the work to be effective? Conversely, what elements are you wide-open to most any approach? Have you communicated those items in clear language throughout the project?
Things with Holly and her boss, sadly, never really got better in this arena. She tried a variety of different tactics, and eventually simply did the projects in the way she thought was best – and her supervisor didn’t agree, so often they were at loggerheads. Some of that may have been a not-great fit between their styles, and some of it may have been that they were both developing their professional selves. Still, she certainly helped crystalize something for me, and helped refine my work as a result. Thanks, Holly, wherever you are.
* Some of the details, including the student’s name, have been changed.
