Words of Affirmation: Work Edition
Every once in a while, folks will talk to me about Love Languages – a clever way of describing intimate relationship communication strategies. One of the Love Languages is “Words of Affirmation,” and I personally respond to this one head-and-shoulders beyond the others. So for me, giving recognition to folks comes super naturally. But I know it isn’t everyone’s “thing,” and if it isn’t yours, you might worry you sound like a big phoney when you give folks kudos. Lemme tell you though, y’all – if you aren’t finding (and creating) ways to praise your folks, you are missing out on a powerful tool in the leader-boss toolkit.
In higher education, we talk a lot about engagement, resilience, and retention. We track metrics and assess satisfaction. But one of the simplest, most effective tools for cultivating all three often gets overlooked: timely, specific praise.
According to Gallup’s research, frequent recognition is directly tied to performance and wellbeing. And yet, far too many staff members go days, or weeks, or forever, without hearing that their work is seen and appreciated. Not because the work isn’t good, but because no one’s saying it.
(Btw, a generic “good job” in a performance review six months from now does matter, but it isn’t what we mean here.)
The Myth of “They Should Just Know”
There’s a quiet but persistent belief that if someone’s doing good work, they already know it. That the absence of critique should be enough to imply approval. This is a very “no news is good news” approach. But actually, no news is silence, and silence is…. not encouraging to your team.
Silence rarely feels like support. It feels like disconnection or indifference.
On a campus where the calendar is full, inboxes are overflowing, and everyone’s bouncing from student support to committee prep to crisis response, a well-placed word of affirmation can be the thing that resets the tone of someone’s day—or their entire week.
Cavalier KC doggos (like Felix) are magnets for praise and they naturally have self-confidence to ask for attention. Felix loves to be petted, picked up, be a star and told he’s the bestest pup in all the land (which he is). He’s a words-of-affirmation pup just like me, and he’s never once wondered if the praise was too much.
Imagine if your team members were that confident. Giving your staffers specific praise about the quality of their work or their effort on a project is a powerful tool.
Why Praise Feels Awkward—And Why That’s Not a Good Excuse
If offering recognition feels clunky or inauthentic to you, you’re not alone. A lot of leaders worry about sounding disingenuous, or they’ve been conditioned to think that if someone’s doing their job, praise is unnecessary.
Real recognition isn’t about handing out gold stars. It’s about reflecting back something true.
Think about the last week. Did someone navigate a tough student conversation with grace? Did your admin pro solve a scheduling tangle you didn’t even know was happening? Did someone remember to bring the printouts to the committee meeting when you definitely forgot?
That stuff matters, and it’s easy to acknowledge!
Praise That’s Right-Sized and Real
The best recognition is specific, timely, and sincere. It works best when you make it part of your regular rhythm.
Here are a few easy, high-impact ways to start:
- The Passing Mention:
“Hey, I read your email to the committee. It was clear and kind. Nice work.”
(Yes, you can say this in the hallway. Bonus points if there’s coffee involved.) - The 1:1 Spotlight:
“You handled that unexpected policy change with such calm. I’m grateful for your flexibility.” - The Group Shout-Out:
“Before we dive into today’s agenda: I just want to recognize the way Jordan held that student listening session. It set the tone for the whole week.” - The Sticky Note Classic:
Old-school sticky notes still pack a punch. Especially when they say something like, “My day is better because you’re here. Appreciate you.”
But What If I’m Not a Praise Person?
Some Leader-Bosses say recognition just isn’t their style, and that’s okay! Praise doesn’t have to be gushing or over the top. It just needs to sound like you.
Also, sometimes team members don’t like to be in a big spotlight. That’s okay – I am not talking about throwing someone a parade – I’m talking about noting good work and doing on the regular, in healthy doses.
Try this: instead of worrying about whether your words will sound inspiring or eloquent, focus on whether they’re true. Think about what your team member did well, how it shaped the day, and why it mattered—not in a lofty, abstract way, but in the real, lived way that made someone’s load lighter, or moved a project forward, or made a student feel seen.
If you need a place to start, here’s a simple prompt that works surprisingly well:
– What’s something I appreciated this week but didn’t say out loud?
– Now go say it to them, even if it feels small or obvious or overdue.
Or maybe try this one: What do I tend to take for granted about this person’s work? What’s the thing they do so reliably, so consistently, that I’ve stopped mentioning it, even though I’m still relying on it? That’s the thank you that probably needs to be said this week. Not in a performance review or a team retreat, but in the hallway, or a note, or a passing conversation where it lands the way it should—like someone finally noticed what they’ve been doing.
Time to Get Started
Recognition is one of the simplest, most powerful tools we have to encourage and build up our team. It doesn’t require a new initiative or committee. It just asks you to notice your people and what they’re doing well.
So here’s your invitation: this week, pick one person whose effort you’ve quietly appreciated. Tell them what they’re doing well, and why it matters to you.
We all need reminders that what we bring to the table is seen and valued! You get to be the Leader-Boss that puts some extra zhuzh in someone’s day!
